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the weird tension of infertility: a confession

If there is anything the infertility journey has taught me, it's that I have a lot of emotions - and learning how to navigate them without allowing them to rule my life or wound those around me, has been a really interesting battle.

There is a tension I never realized I would feel, and it's created this anxiousness for a miracle. Confession: I am absolutely terrified to get pregnant.

So many on this journey may understand - fear of getting pregnant only to lose the baby, either early or late term, is a valid anxiety. However, that's not the fear that worries me the most. I have become so deep-rooted in the trying to conceive (TTC) community, and I have sat back and watched how many women handle the news of a fellow sister on this journey getting pregnant. In a moment that should bring us hope and excitement watching someone who has walked through their own personal hell to become a mama is filled with jealousy, bitterness, and a "why her" mentality.

I see women w…

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